It's Never Too Late to Start Again
I had to share this beautiful message from one of my Pursuit on Point students, Seanna Nichol. She and I met in Bali back in 2017 during a retreat I was cohosting. We dove deep into personal development and hiked a volcano with a group of other amazing women. She’s got an amazing story and has led many lives all around the globe.
(Seanna on the far right) - Hiking Mt. Batur in 2017
Beginning again….again. Take 4.
A guest blog by Seanna Nichol
“First the pain, then the waiting, then the rising.” Glennon Doyle.
I started to write this blog from an analytical/timeline point of view. My left rational brain was quite happy with it. My right brain added a dash of humour and it looked suitable for posting out into the online world. But I don’t think that is why I wanted to write this blog post. Sure, it would have added some context to my story, and I would have provided proof to my ‘expertise’ behind the post, however, it lacked something, some deeper sense of all of it. It scanned the surface and stayed there. It stayed safe. But where is the adventure in that?
So I decided to begin this blog again. See what I did there?
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There is a certain discomfort that lies within beginning anything. Learning new systems, meeting new people, afraid of failing, of being judged, and making a mistake. Beginning again requires vulnerability and the recognition that you aren’t going to know everything right away or even in the first few weeks or possibly ever.
I have had to begin again a number of times career wise. Years ago, when I entered into the world of hotels as a lowly front desk agent (it’s truly not lowly, but for the sake of this blog and creative license, we will pretend that it is). I was excited about my future! I saw myself rising to the upper echelons in the corporate culture of hotels and reigning from behind some desk somewhere in the world. I was on my way up, even moving countries at one point to continue my path towards that peak. I was promoted a time or three and genuinely thought it’s the hotel life for me! And then reality doused me with a cold splash of water. Suffice it to say, my journey in hotels just did not go that way. But that story is for another blog.
I left hotels and fell into website content management for a local company based in Victoria BC. I was living in Vancouver at the time, so it meant a move back to Vancouver Island. So I said yes and jumped in with both feet, deep end, no water wings. I began again. I learned all about content management systems, file sizes, image sizes, the hierarchy of working for a family owned company and so much more! That led to contracting as a web administrator/content manager for a small boutique company that specialized in building e-commerce websites for direct selling companies. It allowed me to work remotely and travel through countries I had only dreamed of visiting! I continued to learn more about myself, my alleged comfort zones (I pushed past so many while I was traveling solo that if they had been put in front of me in a line up, I wouldn’t have recognized any of my previous comfort zones), and how to be in the world outside of home.
And then it came to an end. The company I was contracting for was downsizing and my role was going to be made redundant. So, I went home to begin yet again. Once home, I started applying for work immediately. One of the companies I applied for was WestJet. They must have liked what they saw on my resume, because I was one of the 20 out of 200 that were called in for a group interview. I successfully passed the application process and I was placed in the hiring pool where I treaded water for close to 6 months. Just as I would have had to get out of the pool and start again, I was hired! I went to training and learned everything there is to know about working for an airline! Well, okay, I learned that my brain can only handle so much information at a time. It was like pouring 3 litres of water into a 2 litre bowl…it kept spilling over the sides. Eventually I did retain most of what I learned and went on to fill different roles within the company in my short time there.
Then a pandemic hit, and the airlines were rocked to their cores. To try and slow the financial impact, WestJet asked for voluntary layoffs as well as retirement for those that were applicable. When this wasn’t enough, there were more layoffs, and then when that wasn’t enough, there were even more layoffs. All in all, thousands of us were out of work, some of us thinking it would just be a short time before we would be back. The full impact of the pandemic was yet to be felt. That impact came in a video message from our CEO advising that all of the tier 2 and tier 3 airports would be contracted out. Which meant that over 3,000 of us would no longer be going back as WestJetters. It was heartbreaking and a shock. I dwelled in the sadness of it for a few days, let it sink in and simmer before realizing that was not going to solve anything and that this was just another opportunity to grow.
A few days after the announcement, I saw a social media post about a 6-week digital marketing course being offered online. I thought it would be a great accompaniment to my content management skills, and there was financial assistance in the form of a government grant being offered to anyone whose job was affected by the pandemic. I applied and was accepted and also qualified for the grant! The course started 3 weeks ago, and it’s definitely been feet first into the deep end with no water wings kind of learning. That said, I would like to add that, we have an amazing support system within our individual groups.
So here I am, at the age of 48, beginning again, again. I didn’t think I would be here at this age. It’s daunting and overwhelming and causes anxiety. Doubt and insecurity show up with their big ole soap box that they like to stand on and shout about everything that could go wrong. “A woman your age?! Getting hired in tech?! What were you thinking?! You will never get hired! Haven’t you heard about ageism?!” And they are loud and it’s hard to not listen. But they eventually get tired and hoarse and get off their soap box and go home. While it sucks that these feelings are there, in my opinion, it’s okay to feel them. They are valid feelings and can be an indicator that we are on the right path. It’s like those ‘false alarms’ in the movie Labyrinth that were trying to dissuade Sarah from going in the right direction. Just don’t let them drag you down into the bog of eternal stench! Move past them and recognize that they are just trying to protect you from getting hurt.
I know that some of you reading this will want to assure me that 48 is not old and that it will all work out. Let me be the first to assure you, that deep down, I know this, and I trust and believe that everything will be alright, that it always is, every time. I have developed the tools to help me move through all the sticky bits. I have a daily meditation and writing practice as well as yoga and getting out and walking in nature. It’s not perfect, and some days are easier to practice than others, but the more I do it, the better and more grounded I feel.
Who knows where this beginning will take me. And while the need to know and control the outcome does creep in, I gently guide it back out, asking it to view from a safe distance. I reassure it that we will be fine, pat it on it’s head and head back in.
To conclude, there is no guidebook or ‘how-to’ video on beginning again for you. In a time where we can google anything, you will probably find someone else’s ’10 steps on beginning again’ or something similarly titled, but those are their steps. And while it’s possible to get inspiration from others journeys, the truth of it is that this is your path to walk and no one can do it for you.
Hanging out with you at the starting line of this next adventure,
Seanna
You can read more of Seanna’s work here.